Sucker Love
by xxjustmeandmexx
Summary: Life is never easy. They need someone, they need love, they need a future. They need each other but they don't want to accept it, they don't want to see, they don't want to love. Sebastian/Santana...
1. Chapter 1

Santana POV:

We won the Nationals. We finally did it. It was supposed to be a happy night. I mean, after all the work we had, we made it and then I just graduate and that was more happiness, if you can call it like that, for me.

It was supposed to be my best night, but it wasn't.

That night my beautiful girl, my sweet "girlfriend" broke up with me. She broke my heart and I only wanted to break her legs but I loved her, I loved her so much and she only leave me alone like a dog in the poor rain and I was the dog this time.

Me, Santana Lopez, was the one who break hearts, that was the way of the things, the right way, but that night, the places changed a little bit.

- Flasback -

_We were all in Rachel's house after the graduation. Rachel and Finn were kissing, Sam and Mercedes were talking and laughing like Mike and Tina, Puck was talking with Quinn, I wouldn't be surprised if they end together again, Kurt was with Blaine and Artie talking, and I was with Britt when suddenly she took me outside._

_- I need to tell you something, San - She said looking at the ground. She looked nervous._

_- What is it, Brit? You know you can tell me everything... - I said smiling and taking her hand_

_- I think... I think we should break up..._

_- What? - I said astonished and I felt like I was going to die just there_

_- I said we should break up. You know I was, kind of, confused..._

_- You always are..._

_- True, but, I was very confused about us, I started to feel like being with you was wrong and I think it is true now. I'm not lesbian, I'm heteresexual and I'm happy with that. When I said that I loved you, it was like a friend to another friend but no more than that. I think I might be in love with Artie... - Tears were now rolling down my face, it was like a cataract. Santan Lopez never cry and if she cry no one can see her. I only said: "Okay, whatever you want" and I get the heck away from her, crying like a little kid._

- End of the Flashback -

Then Rachel went to her new university because the stupid Finn let her go, well, like people said: "If you love somebody, let it go". That's what I did whit Britanny.

It's been a week sinnce our break up, she is being more time with the nerd of Artie and I think that maybe they are going to be back together. And I can't take it.

I took my purse and went to "The Lima Bean", is the only place I could think in that moment. I still don't know what I'm going to do with my life. I Without Brittany I'm lost, I guess I had always been lost, without a way to follow, without a future, without a life.

I took the key of my car and drove to "The Lima Bean". I was thinking in my damn and stupid live. I came out to my family as a lesbian, my grandmother hate me, I got a girlfriend and then she left me for a stupid weirdo with glasses. How could her? I still can't get it, she is just... I can't insult her, she is still my bestfriend, she is too sweet to punch her in the face or scream at her. She is like a butterfly, beautiful and delicate, you can't hurt a butterfly, if you do then you are a bad person and I have enough of critics for a while, a long time.

I arrived to "The Lima Bean" and I sat in one table, alone, like I'm always are, alone, alone and alone.

- It looks like someone is alone now. What happened with your little friends, Satan? - I recognized that cheeky voice. And when I turn around, I was right. Right in front of me was the meerkat face, if you know what I mean.

Sebastian Smythe is in front of me right now, the one and the only.

After the Karofsky incident, Smythe changed, like for real. He became more shy (hard to believe I know), reserved, and in the Nationals he congratulated us for win and he said that our perfomance was great. In that moment I only could think: "Weird, very weird"

- Well, hello there twink. What are you doing here? - I said trying to be the prostitute that I am. But I failed.

- This is a public place, remember? - He said smiling and sitting by my side.

- Well, of course. Take a seat - I said sarcastic and he only smirks to me

- Why are you all alone, Satan? - He said using my new nickname.

- Trying to be nice, uh? Well, unlike you, I don't need anyone in my life - That was kind of a lie

- Unlike me? Believe me, Satan, I don't need anyone to be okay. I am always by myself, I grow up like that. You are the one who need people, I'm not like Hummel, so girly and gay...

- Sorry to interrupt you but you are gay too...

- Just like you, but you only have to look at Hummel to know that he is gay. And you have to know me to know that I am gay. That's the difference.

- I only had to see you and I knew you were gay like all your band of warblers.

- Wow... I guess you are okay by yourself - He said and he started to stand up. Strange as it sounds I need someone in this moment, someone who can hug me and tell me everything is going to be okay, I need a friend.

- Don't go... please - And in that moment I left all my pride behind. I need him right now. I need someone.

- Santan "the big" Lopez just asked me to stay with her instead of leave her? - He said woth his stupid smirk. Gosh, what had I done!

- Yeah, yeah, pretty much. So... you are going to stay with me?

- I don't have anything better to do, so... - He said sitting again next to me.

- ... - I don't know what to do now. He is not my friend... He was my enemy but now he is "trying" to be nice. How can I be a whore with him iif he is not a manwhore?

- You are only going to sit there and look at me all day? - Be "nice", discarded.

- Like you were something so beautiful to see... - Mode "whore" on

- Auch.

- ... I'm... I'm... - I'm not going to say sorry, that's not Santana Lopez - I don't know what to do right now.

- Neither do I. Tell me something about you... Why are you not with your club or with your happy and annoying girlfriend?

- She is not annoying...

- Please. You know that's not true.

- I love her!

- But she is annoying...

- Like Blaine is stupid! - He likes Blaine so I want to know how he feels when I insult the person he loves. Take that, Smythe.

- ... If you are trying to make me feel bad is not working. Blaine not means anything to me, he is with Kurt and I'm happy about it. - Damn, he changed.

- Good for you. - I said in a sarcastic tone.

- Hey, why are you being so damn bad with me? I'm trying to be nice with you and you do... that! - He said in a mad tone. Yeah, I screwed... again.

- ... Is... is because me and Brittany broke up. She breaks up with me. - I can't believe I just said that to HIM.

- ... Are you serious? - He said more serious

- Why would I play with something like that? - I said getting mad

- I don't know, everything is possible with you Satan...

- I'm not playing...

- ... Sorry about that...

- Yeah, whatever... She leaves me for Artie the nerd, so...

- She didn't deserve you... You are too much for her...

- What are you talking about, twink?

- I'm talking about the true. If she leaves you for that nerd, then she is more stupid than I thought.

- She is beautiful like a flower, she is an angel, she is perfect.

- No one is perfect and she is so far to be perfect. - He said with his stupid smirk

- She IS perfect but she doesn't love me...

- That's what makes her stupid. She leaves a beautiful and awesome girl for a nerd man. - He said and I look at his eyes, his beautiful eyes...

- I love her...

- Then we are going to do something about it... - He said and he stands up

- What do you mean?

- Later you will find out. Bye, Satan.

What did just happen?

Sebastian POV:

_- I love her..._

_- Then we are going to do something about it... - He said and he stands up_

_- What do you mean?_

_- Later you will find out. Bye, Satan._

I really don't know what happened there, so don't ask me why I said the things that I said, I don't have any idea either.

I don't know why I were so good to her or why I said what I said...

You want to know a secret? I think I'm straight...

No, is not definitive yet but I _really_ think I am.

I don't know why, it just happened. One day I was a gay boy and then, here I am, thinking I am straight because of a special latina.

Yeah, now you get it? Me, Sebastian Smythe is kind of liking in a romantic way, the latina member of Glee, Santana Lopez.

Yeah, I know is implausible but it is still true.

I tried so hard to stop thinking in the way I think about her, I tried to say to myself that I was gay and that I like Blaine, but it didn't work.

Her hair, her laugh, her eyes, her evil form to treat the people is just perfect!

And I hate it.

I hate it because I know she is a lesbian girl who is in love with her ex girlfriend and I am being pathetic. A big pathetic and rich boy.

My life isn't a heaven like everyone think it is. My life is like heck. I was born in a rich family, true, but I didn't have good parents, they hated me and they still hate me. They thought I was stupid and then my mother realized she was married with a gay dude, yep, my father is gay and he was only married with my mother because he was trying to denying it, but it didn't work so well.

My mother was so angry that day but she didn't want the divorce, she said that the divorce was going to make the people talk so she stayed with my gay father, I was 10 years old.

Stayed with my father was her only option, she said, and she started to drink, drink and drink. She became an alcoholic whore.

A gay dad and a whore like a mother, yeah, my life isn't like heaven at all.

At my 13 years old I was trying to make friend in high school and I became the nerd and stupid guy, I was bullied.

I only had one friend, his name was Josh.

We did everything together. We were best friends and I studied in a school only for boys, so, I thought I liked Josh. He was the only one there for me, the only who saw me cry, who hugged me and he was my first kiss.

I thought I was gay because I liked Josh and when my mother knew about it, oh I remember that day like it was yesterday.

*Flashback*

_I walked in the dinner room to saw my mother with a bottle of wine and a mad face._

_- Mom?_

_- Can you explained me what the heck are you all the time with this Josh dude? - She said with an angry voice, drinking more and more alcohol._

_- He is my friend..._

_- Really? Just that?_

_- ... Yeah..._

_- Don't lie to me! - She said throwing the bottle of wine at the wall - I know you like him! I know you are a fag just like your father! I know he is your little boyfriend! I know everything!_

_- ... I couldn't help...  
_

_- What? Like him?  
_

_- ...Yes...  
_

_- Yeah, sure. You fag! I have a fag like a son! Go to your room, big sissy! I don't want to see your face more! Why don't you just die? NO ONE LIKES YOU! I don't even like you! I wish you had never born! Go to your room, sissy, go to cry like the fag you are! - She screams at me and I ran away crying my heart out.  
_

_That day my mother started to hit me and my father started to look at me like a disappointment and he left, he left me and my mother, he left me with a monster._

* End of the Flashback*

My mother banned me to see Josh more, she said that she had enough of me and my little boyfriend, that she was tired of fags in her house and if it was for her, I would already dead.

I lost my only friend and I started to study at home. More time in home, more time in heck.

I never listened about my father again, and I hope I won't hear about him. I hate him, because he left me, because he wasn't a father at all, he was a stranger in my house, he wasn't my father at all.

My mother travels all the time so she can't see my face, and that's okay because I don't want to see her too, I hate her too, because she hates me and I can't do anything about it.

That's my life, like I said is not a paradise.

Life is not a paradise, my life is like heck, I need my light, I need to find my way, I need a future.

* * *

**Well, what do you think? Reviews?**


	2. Chapter 2

Santana POV:

I stayed there, sitting in the damn table. What the heck did he mean? I mean... that was very weird... But, why would I care? I mean, he is... Smythe. I don't care for him, I don't care for anyone! I only care for my Brit-Brit and now she is gone, so I guess I'm the lonely Santana Lopez again.

I took my purse and I stood and went out of "The Lima Bean".

I don't need anyone. No one care for me anyway.

Ugh, I'm just being stupid thinking in all of this. I never think in the things, I just go and do what I want. That's it. That's my way, no one can change it. No one can change me, so deal with it.

_For those who don't know me,_  
_ I can get a bit crazy_  
_ Have to get my way,yep_  
_ 24 hours a day_  
_ 'cause I'm hot like that_

I started to sing like my life depends on it. And people started to look at me like I'm crazy but I really don't care.

_Every guy, everywhere_  
_just gives me mad attention_  
_Like I'm under inspection_  
_I always gets a ten,_  
_'cause I'm built like that_

I took the t-shirt of a random guy and he smiled to me. I almost kissed him and when he closed his eyes, I started walking away from him, smiling for my power of a whore.

_I go through guys like money_  
_ flyin' out the hands_  
_ They try to change me_  
_ but they realize they can't_  
_ And every tomorrow is a day I never plan_  
_ If you're gonna be my man understand_

I stood in a table and started dancing with all the boys, looking at me like I'm a Goddess. And I love it.

_I can't be tamed_  
_ I can't be tamed_  
_ I can't be blamed_  
_ I can't, can't, I can't, can't be tamed_  
_ I can't be changed_  
_ I can't be tamed_  
_ I can't be, can't, I can't be tamed_

The boys carried me in their arms, making me sin in the air, like I were flying.

_If there was a question about my intentions,_  
_ I'll tell ya_  
_ I'm not here to sell ya_  
_ Or tell you to go to hell_  
_ (I'm not a brat like that)_  
_ I'm like a puzzle_  
_ but all of my pieces are jagged_  
_ If you can understand this,_  
_ we can make some magic,_  
_ I'm wrong like that_

I slid in the table, like a snake, and kissed the nose of one guy, while he was smiling, that was with his girl and the girl slapped him and I only smiled.

_I wanna fly,_  
_ I wanna drive,_  
_ I wanna go_  
_ I wanna be a part of something I don't know_  
_ And if you try to hold me back I might explode_  
_ Baby, by now you should know_

I went to another table and started jumping and singing.

_I can't be tamed_  
_ I can't be tamed_  
_ I can't be blamed_  
_ I can't, can't, I can't, can't be tamed_  
_ I can't be changed_  
_ I can't be tamed_  
_ I can't be, can't, I can't be tamed_

One boy carried me and he tried to kiss me, in the lips, and I leave him do it and then I walk away.

_Well I'm not a trick you play,_  
_ I'm wired a different way_  
_ I'm not a mistake,_  
_ I'm not a fake,_  
_ It's set in my DNA_  
_ Don't change me_  
_ Don't change me_  
_ Don't change me_  
_ Don't change me_  
_ (I can't be tamed)_

I went to water source and started to dance in the water.

_I wanna fly,_  
_ I wanna drive,_  
_ I wanna go_  
_ I wanna be a part of something I don't know_  
_ And if you try to hold me back I might explode_  
_ Baby, by now you should know_

The people (boys) started to enter to the water source with me and dance around me. It's awesome.

_I can't be tamed_  
_ I can't be tamed_  
_ I can't be blamed_  
_ I can't, can't, I can't, can't be tamed_  
_ I can't be changed_  
_ I can't be tamed_  
_ I can't be, can't, I can't be tamed_

The boys started laughing and clapping while I went out of the water source, smiling and I walk away, soaked but I fell freaking awesome.

- Wow, a presentation of Broadway just here in front of me. That was awesome! - I heard someone said clapping. That voice...

- Are you following me, Smythe? - I said turning away to face this boy.

- No. You are not that important, Satan - When he said that, it felt like a knife cross my heart. Just like the way I felt when Brittany broke up with me.

Why? No idea. He is Smythe, just the stupid warbler guy.

- Well, then what do you want? - I said trying to sound like a whore. _Failed._

- Well, I want you to come with me... - He said smiling

- Are you kidding me?

- No...

- In your dreams, ass, that will never happen - I said walking away

- Well, Satan, if you don't want to see your little girlfriend, okay... - He screams at me

- What? - I asked, turning to face him, again. Is he talking about Brit?

- Now you care, uh? Well, now I don't care... - He said walking away

- No! Wait! You were talking about Britanny? - I said, taking his arm and facing him.

- Maybe...

- C'mon, Smythe. I'm already here, tell me!

- Okay, okay. Like your little girlfriend broke up with you, and left you like a dog, and went to be with the nerd with 2 wheels. I have an idea of how you can make her like you again.

- ...How?

- Well, we can pretend to be a couple and she would be totally jealous and she will want you back...

- In your dreams! - I said, turning away

- Think about it, Satan, this could be your only change to get back with the blondie!

- And, by the way, why would **_you_ **help me?!

- I can be a really good person, you know... - He said and I look at him like _"please"_ - Okay, okay, I just want to help somebody and you are my choice...

- ... I'm not going to help you with Blaine...

- I don't like him! I'm okay by myself, and he is with Kurt!

- Okay, okay, I get it. You don't like him! But why would I trust in you?!

- Because I'm right here when no one is with you. - He is right. Ugh, I hate this guy...

What should I do?

If I said yes I could recover my Brit-Brit, but I also have to go out with the warbler. It's like when I went out with Karofsky for the votes. And all was for nothing.

I don't know what to do, what to say, what to believe.

Sebastian POV:

Okay, okay, I lied. I'm not doing this because I want to help somebody. Is because I want to spend time with Satan.

Yeah, I know, very corny, right? But what else can I do? Is my only option. She is still in love with the blondie and maybe, if I spend time with her, she would fall in love with me.

Yeah, I'm very intelligent.

But, right now, I'm pretty nervous.

She is just there, looking at me, without emotions. Just thinking what to do.

I'm dying here. Satan say something!

- ...Okay...

- What?

- I said okay. We can pretend we are a couple - She said and I, like the big stupid I am, hug her. - What are you doing? - She said in a slowly and strange tone.

- Oh, sorry - I said letting her go. Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid!

- Okay, so... I have to go. Here, that is my number, call me - She said, giving me a paper and walking away.

Gosh, I almost screwed up. But in the good point of view.

She is my girlfriend! Fake but... she is _**my** _girlfriend!

I could die right now and everything would be fine.

And I'm being corny again.

I gotta stop that.

But, is true, everything is going okay. I hope it would stay like that and we could be happy.

Stop being corny!

Ugh, I need to sleep...


	3. Chapter 3

Santana POV:

I walked away from Smythe with pain in my chest. Did I just do that? Am I his girlfriend now? Is _that_ even possible?

My Gosh, I'm in a big trouble.

I walked to "The Lima Bean"and I found Ms. Jones talking with Evans.

Yeah, they are together.

Mercedes said that she loved Sam with all her heart and that she didn't want to lose him. And, of course, Sam accepted her.

Yeah, their love make me sick.

But Mercedes is going to the University in a couple of weeks, so she needs to spend time with his lovely boyfriend.

Yeah, I hate love right now.

Suck it up, this is a public place. I don't need to talk to them, just walk past them, Santana, don't worry about it.

- Santana! Hi! A long time since we didn't see you - Crap...

- Hi, Mercedes. Sam... How you doing? - I said with a fake smile on my face. They should now by now that Brittany dump me.

- Great, well, a little sad about Mercedes leaving - Said Sam with a sad smile. Poor guy, they really love each other. Love just sucks.

- Well, it was nice to see you Santana, but Sam and I gotta go to other place. Oh, and sorry about the break up - Mercedes said with a weak smile. I knew they know about it. Suck it!

- Oh, well, thanks. It doesn't matter anyway. She is with Artie, right?

- Yeah... sorry - Said Sam taking Mercedes hand and standing up - We really gotta go, I hope we can see you again. Take care!

- Sure, you too - I said trying to smile. _Failed._

- Hmm, baby? Wait in the car for a minute, okay? - Mercedes said and Sam only nodded and say "bye" to me.

- What? - I said looking at her with a confusing look.

- Do you have time tonight?

- Why?

- We need to talk...

- Hmm... - What I am supposed to do? I don't need anyone... _I think_... - Sure... Come to my house at 7:00, if that's alright?

- Perfect. See you there, Santana - She said and she walked away.

I'm very interested in what Mercedes want to say to me, but I have my mind far away from here.

I have my mind in the stupid Smythe.

Oh Gosh, Santana! You are so pathetic!

I need coffee like right now.

I bought another coffee and went to my car so I could drive to my apartment.

Yeah, I live in an apartment, I didn't want to be a bother to my mom. She deserves more than that, she deserves a better daughter. I don't deserve her or my dad.

And my grandmother. Well, she still hates me.

But now that I thought about it, I'm kind of heterosexual now that I'm _"dating"_ Smythe. right?

If I tell her that I'm with a boy and that I have turned to be _"straight"_ again. Maybe, just maybe, she would forgives me!

And that's exactly what I want. I need her, she is my abuela (grandmother in Spanish).

I make a decision, I'm going to go to her house and tell her that I was only confused and that I'm straight. I hope she would buy it.

If I'm going to be stuck with Smythe for a while, then I'm going to make it right.

I walked to my car and I drove to my abuela's house.

While I was driving my phone buzzed. I got a new text from... _Unknown number?_

_"I hope you are thinking of me right now. See you tomorrow at "The Lima Bean". We gotta talk about our 'relathionship'. See you soon, 'babe' ;) - Sebastian."_

That jackass. I can't believe I accepted to be his girlfriend, well, his _fake _girlfriend. But still!

I still can't understand why he would help me with that. He said something about help somebody but I don't buy that, that's crap! He has another reason!

When I arrived to my abuela's house, I was nervous, I am nervous now.

What if she avoids me? Or if she kicks me out?

Okay, I have to stop with the _"what if...?"_ or I'm gonna end with the _"What would happen...?"_.

C'mon, Santana, you are the big whore! You can do whatever you want. This is easy, just go there and do it!

I walked to the door and, my abuela is always in house so she is there, and I knocked it, crossing my fingers.

- Who is it? - I heard the sweet voice of my abuela. I have missed her so much. I didn't answer because if she hears my voice, she would never open the door.

- Hello? - And the door opened. And there she was, just as I remembered her. Her face turned pale and I think she was in shock.

- Hello, abuela - I said with a weak smile and she closed the door, in my face! - Please, abuela, tengo que decirte algo muy importante (Please, grandmother, I have to tell you something very important) - I said knocking the door over and over again.

- Vete de aqui, Santana! No tengo nada de que hablar contigo. Te quiero fuera de aqui ahora! Vete con tu noviecita y las dos pueden irse al diablo! (Get out of here, Santana! I don't have anything to talk with you. I want you out of here now! Go with your little girlfriend and the two of you can go to heck!) - I can't believe she actually said that kind of things to me.

- ...Brittany y yo terminamos! (Brittany and I broke up!) - There, I said it, I said the true. And I heard some kind of noise inside and, just like that, the door opened again and revealed a confused old woman.

- What did you say? - She said very slowly.

- I said that Brittany and I broke up! - I said with tears sliding down my cheeks. I need my abuela.

- Who broke up with who?

- Uh? Why does that matter? - I said confused

- Just answer... - She said serious

- Hum... - If I said to her that _she_ broke up with me then she is going to think I'm still lesbian and she would **never** forgive me - ...I broke up with her...

- Really? Why? The last time you told me about her you sound very in love with her... - She said with gross in her voice

- I... I discovered that I am not lesbian, I was just confused and now I know that I am straight...

- How do I know that you are not lying?

- I'm... I'm with someone else... a boy...

- Really? - She said and I could see and weak smile in her face and her eyes lighting up.

- Yes... His name is Sebastian, Sebastian Smythe.

- How do you met him?

- He... he is one of The Warblers, he is my competition...

- Then how can you like him? You always hate your competition? - She said suspicious. She knows me so well.

- Oh... Well, he is different, he is better... - Ugh, I can't believe I said that about that jackass.

- Are you being serious? - She asked still a little suspicious

- Yes, abuela.

- Oh, Santana! You came up to your senses! - She said hugging me strongly and I hugged her too.

- I have missed you so much, abuela!

- Me too, Santana! I have missed you so much!

- I thought you would never talk to me again... - I said crying

- Don't worry, Santana! Everything is fine now... But I want to meet that boyfriend of yours! - She said separating from me and smiling

- Oh... Do you want to meet Sebastian? - I said. _Oh no!_

- Of course! I want to meet the boy who stole the heart of my granddaughter and made her came to her senses!

- Oh, well. He is usually very busy with school and singing... But don't worry, abuela, I would introduce you to him soon - If I have luck, _never..._

- Estoy tan feliz! (I am so happy!) You want to come in, Santana?

- Oh, I would love to, abuela. But I have to go somewhere else, sorry... - I said putting a _real_ smile on my face just for her

- Okay, sweetie. See you soon. Love you, sweetie - She said kissing the top of my head.

- I love you too, abuela. Goodbye -I said and I walked away.

Definitely this is a good day. I have my abuela back! Nothing could ruin this!

I drove to my apartment when I turn on the radio.

_You and me _  
_ We used to be together _  
_ Everyday together always _  
_ I really feel _  
_ That I'm losing my best friend _  
_ I can't believe_  
_ This could be the end _  
_ It looks as though you're letting go _  
_ And if it's real _  
_ Well I don't want to know_

That song made me think of Brittany. Definitely she was, and maybe still is, my best friend. Yeah, I fall in love with her but I need her, as a girlfriend or as a friend. But I just need her. And she is gone.

She is probably happy with the nerd of Artie. But after all, they are my friends, well, kind of, and I have to be happy for them, I have to show them that I am strong.

_Don't speak _  
_ I know just what you're saying_  
_ So please stop explaining _  
_ Don't tell me cause it hurts _  
_ Don't speak _  
_ I know what you're thinking _  
_ I don't need your reasons _  
_ Don't tell me cause it hurts_

Then why am I doing this fake relationship? I can't just try to make her jealous when she is happy with someone else.

I only want to see her happy, to see her smile everyday. And if that nerd make her feel the way I felt for her, then I have to accept it. Even if it hurts so much.

And now, what do I do with the "Sebastian" thing?

I mean, we have been together falsely like 3 hours. I can't break up with him just like that.

_"Why do you care? He is just Sebastian!"_

Yeah, but he was trying to help me.

_"So? It doesn't matter. He is no one to you!"_

Yes, I know, but he was still trying to be nice!

_"How do you know that? Maybe he is planning something"_

I don't think so, he sound very serious.

_"Ha, now you are defending him?! What's wrong with you?"_

I don't know! Maybe that I am talking with myself! Ugh, I gotta stop that now!

_Our memories _  
_ Well, they can be inviting _  
_ But some are altogether _  
_ Mighty frightening _  
_ As we die, both you and I _  
_ With my head in my hands _  
_ I sit and cry_

But, I still need him in a way. If I broke up with him, then my abuela is going to be angry with me.

I have to **_be_** with him. But now, is just for my abuela, not for Brittany.

I have to leave her alone and leave her be happy.

Even if I am not happy.

When I arrived to my "home", is 5:00 p.m. The first thing that I do is reply to Smythe.

_"Okay, but don't make your expectations high, twink! We are a fake couple! We need to talk, see you tomorrow, jerk - Santana"_

And with that I fall asleep in my couch. Thinking in Artie and Brittany... and in Smythe.

_It's all ending _  
_ I gotta stop pretending who we are... _  
_ You and me I can see us dying...are we?_

* * *

**Hey! I know you probably hate me :'( But I had been very busy and I couldn't update. Sooooooo sorry, guys!**

**But there is it! A new chapter!**

**Hope you like it. And, please, review? For me? Please? Tell me what you think :)**

**Well, I promise I'll update more. Love you all!**


	4. Chapter 4

Santana POV:

I was still sleeping when a strong noise woke me up. _Darn door!_ I was sleeping! No one wake me up when I'm sleeping! Who is the dumbass who did that?

- Santana! I been waiting for you like a million years! Get out of there! - Oh, right. Mercedes was going to come. I totally forgot it.

- I'll be there in a minute! - I can't believe I slept like 2 hours! My head hurts and I don't even drunk alcohol.

I started to walk to the door and there she was, Mercedes. She lost a lot of weight the passed 4 months. She looks like a Godness. She has always been beautiful, but people are so darn stupid that they didn't went out with her for her weight. I'm happy that she could find someone like Sam. She deserves to be happy. At least someone can be with the love of her life. I wish I could find mine.

- Finally! What took you so long, girl? - She said coming into my house.

- Hum... well, I was sleeping - I said still a bit sleepy

- Oh, well, sorry for that. How you doing? - She asked and she sit in my couch.

- ...Fine - I said and I sat next to her in the couch - So, why you wanted to see me?

- What? Now I can see my friend Santana? - She said smiling. If you asked, we had became really good friends. We are both killers singing, gorgeous and divas. Why we wouldn't be friends?

- No, you can. It just... it surprised me - I said laughing a bit. With her I actually can laugh, genuinely. - I thought maybe you would be with Sam. You know, as he is stuck with you. - I said and she laugh.

- Good one. No, he is visiting his family tonight. Tomorrow at night he will be here again.

- Oh, poor you. Now you are not going to recieve kisses for your trouty mouth - I said pouting

- Jerk! - She said laughing.

- I know, but you love me - I said with a smirk

- Oh, yes I do - She said and we started to laugh again

It was nice to know that someone actually was still there for me. I never get too well with the other glee members. They always thought I was a whore. Of course that I acted like that, but if you take the time to know me, and I like you, then you would notice that I'm not that bad as I seem to be.

I cared a lot about my "true" friends. The people that actually I think are going to be there for me, no matter what. I think Mercedes is one of them. She is there for me no matter what. With her I can laugh and smile, even when I'm down.

- So, I wanted to talk to you because... well... your "ex" - And that broke my heart. Why on the earth she would want to talk to me about Brittany? It already hurt so much to know that she is with someone else, _a boy!_

- Puckerman? - I tried to acted stupid. Maybe she would just laugh and forget the subject of Brittany.

- No! You know I'm talking about Brittany! - She said smiling

- Oh, ok... What about her? - Something about this gives me chills, of fear.

- Hum... this maybe would sound stupid... But...

- But?

- I think you should see a psychologist...

- Excuse me?

- I know it sounds weird. But I know that you need to talk with someone about your sexuality, and also how do you feel about life.

- Are you saying that I'm a freak or something for being a lesbian? Are you a freaking homophobic? - I said with anger in my voice.

- No! No, I'm not saying that you are a freak or something. And I'm not homophobic! If you haven't notice I'm friends with Kurt and Blaine!

- Then what is the difference with me?! Just because I'm a woman I can't love! - I yelled. Now I'm mad, very mad. I can't believe she is saying all this crap to me.

- No! Just because I'm friends with them doesn't mean that I support gays. Of course, I'm happy for them. But I want the best for you. And I know that gay people are not freaks or something. I'm not scared or grossed out of them. But I know they are not necessarily gay. Like Robbie Williams, he thought he was gay and then he married a woman! They just need to be understood. Maybe something in their life happened and made them think that they are gay. You had dated lots of guys and you always had a great time with Brittany, maybe that's why you think you are lesbian. But maybe you hadn't find the right guy...

- And for that you want me to see a freaking psychologist?! I'm** NOT** crazy!

- I know. But it's a psychologist, not a psychiatrist. Just give it a try!

- NO! I'm not a freak! I thought we were friends!

- We are!

- Then why are you judging me?! Friends are not supposed to do that!

- I'm trying to help you because I want you to be happy!

- WHY?! I can find my own happiness alone, thank you very much! Just because Sam didn't notice the whale he was dating doesn't mean you can tell me what to do! I think Sam might be blind to date a black whale! - I said screaming. I didn't mean that. I was just so angry that the words came out without thinking.

And before I knew it, Mercedes had tears sliding down her cheeks. I made cry my _only_ friend.

- O-okay... I think I should go... - She said almost in a whisper and she took her things. I can't believe I just said what I said.

- Mercedes... I-I'm so-sorry... I didn't me-

- Don't... - She said raising her hand and cutting me - Just... Just don't talk to me... _Ever again..._ - And with that she was gone.

I can't believe what I did. I'm such an idiot. I swear I didn't mean anything of what I said. I was so freaking angry that I just said random stuff. Cruel random stuff.

Sometimes, or always, I messed up everything. Why I have to be such a whore?

I walked to the door and I slided down the door and started to sing.

_What have I done? I wish I could run. _  
_Away from this ship going under_  
_Just trying to help, hurt everyone else_  
_Now I feel the weight of the world is_  
_On my shoulders_

I really didn't want to hurt her. I never try to hurt anyone, but I still do it.

The subject of Britanny still hurt me, but I know I didn't have the right to said that things.

It's like everytime I said something to the people I care about, I messed up everything.

I hurt the people that I care the most. I hurt my abuela when I told her I was lesbian, I hurt my mom and my dad when I told them I was going to leave them, I hurt the glee members when I insult them or make the boyfriedns broke up with their girlfriends or viceversa and now I hurt my _only_ friend because of my stupidity.

My whole world is crumbling on me and I can't do anything about it.

_What can you do when your good isn't good enough?_  
_When all that you touch tumbles down?_  
_'Cause my best intentions keep making a mess of things_  
_I just want to fix it somehow_  
_But how many times will it take?_  
_Oh, how many times will it take for me_  
_To get it right?_  
_To get it right?_

And now is when I hate myself, in this moments. When I can't do anything about my mistakes. When the tears leave my eyes and I only want to dissapear. My heart hurts in this moments, I tried so hard to not think about that. But when you are all alone in a world and you feel depressed and stupid for all your actions. You just can't hold back the tears. Even if I want to keep strong, inside I'm just a little scares girl.

_Can I start again with my faith shaken?_  
_'Cause I can't go back and undo this_  
_I just have to stay and face my mistakes_  
_But if I get stronger and wiser_  
_I'll get through this_

Life is never easy. People are mean and stupid. They judge you for everything you do. You think you know me? Who give you the right to judge me? Easy? Is so easy to judge. For how I smile, for how I laugh, for how I talk, for how I act. Do you think is even easier to hate me? Do you know my story? I don't think so. Do you know my defeats? I don't think so. Do you know my feelings? I still don't think so. Do you know my tears? Of course not. You think I have everything I always wanted, that my life is so easy, that everything I do is so "perfect", don't you? You think I had always been like this? Do you think I had never feel the loneliness?

_What can you do when your good isn't good enough?_  
_When all that you touch tumbles down?_  
_'Cause my best intentions keep making a mess of things_  
_I just wanna fix it somehow_  
_But how many times will it take?_  
_Oh, how many times will it take for me_  
_To get it right?_

Is so easy to you to judge me, to laugh at me, to make cruel jokes about me. Is so easy to you to hate. to forget. If you only think about it, you would notice that they are other people that have a worst life than yours. That don't have a smile in their faces, that only cry because is the only thing they can do, cry.

_So I throw up my fist_  
_Throw a punch in the air_  
_And accept the truth, that sometimes life isn't fair_  
_Yeah, I'll send out a wish_  
_Yeah, I'll send up a prayer_  
_Rachel:_  
_And finally, someone will see_  
_How much I care!_

I think you would never understand, how much it hurts to be like me. Can you know the story of everyone just to see them? Can you see in their eyes their pain? Can you see the tears shed? Can you see the difficulties? Can you see the loneliness? Can you see the falls? I don't think so.

_What can you do when your good isn't good enough?_  
_When all that you touch tumbles down?_  
_'Cause my best intentions keep making a mess of things_  
_I just wanna fix it somehow_

When you learn to see that in the people. Just in that moment, talk. Because maybe, in that moment, you wouldn't have anything bad to say. Maybe in that moment you would understand. Maybe in that moment you could feel how much it hurts, how much it hurts to someone to live.

_But how many times will it take?_  
_Oh, how many times will it take_  
_To get it right_  
_To get it right?_

I just closed my eyes and I let the dark consumes me.

And for one moment, I could almost feel, I could almost feel the death.

* * *

**Hi!**

**I'm so so soooo sorry! I couldn't update, I know, I'm sorry. But the computer has a password, a password that I don't know, so... yeah...**

**Well, what do you think?!**

**I want to say something. Some of the parts when Santana talk about her life, you know, I was inspired in another person. This guy, who is not a writer, but still he write something like that in his facebook (not the same), but he gave me some ideas. Just to clarify. I don't want to have all the credit of it.  
**

**Well, I hope you passed an awesome Christmas and New Year!**

******Well, I would really apreciated if you review this and tell me what you think :)**

******Thanks to pattyholdbrok for your review and thanks to all the people who follow or put in favorites this story. Thank you very much!  
**

**Well, that's it.**

**See you soon, I promise :)**


	5. Chapter 5

Sebastian POV:

I woke up early the next morning. My head hurts for all the noise and alcohol of yesterday.

If you are wondering where I am, well, I am in Dalton, but yesterday, me and the boys went to a bar and well, things just happen, the kind of things that happen in a bar.

You drink beer, hook up with some stupid and drunk chick, dance a while and then passed away.

I was in my room that I share with Jeff. And darn, how much I drank yesterday? I can't remember anything, I don't even now how I get here! _Crap with all the darn world!_

- Sebastian? You're up! C'mon, it's late! You been sleeping nearly all the morning! It's time to wake up, sleepy head!- That's Jeff, always trying to sound cheerful and nice, but right now, his concern just make me sick.

- I know, I know! But I might drank a little too much yesterday...

- A little? Dude, you almost drank all the bar! - He said with a little chuckle. I'm not in the mood for this crap. I just want to sleep and well, that. I don't want to see anybody.

My head is spinning for al the thoughts that I have been having about... _you know who?_ Yeah, Shakira.

I mean, of all the people in this miserable world I had to "think" in her! _I don't like her, okay? I just think in her..._

I mean, anyone would be want to be with me! I'm rich, I'm hot, I'm talented, I'm cool... well, everyone 'but her.

For her, I'm just some stupid dude. Just because she is in love with that stupid blonde.

She deserves someone better than that dumbass.

But she is too blind to see it. _Crap_, I'm getting crazy!

What I'm supposed to do now?

I mean, we are supposed to be a freaking couple! I'm not the couple man.

I don't like to be tied at something or someone. And I know that she is like that too. _Maybe that's something that we have in common._

Stupid thoughts! Why can I find a person that can love me and I can actually love?

Love is just a waste a time. _Not that I'm in love with her._

You know what? I'm not gonna do anything!

Why should I? Just because I _think_ that I might have feeling for that girl?

Screw it! I'm gonna be the same me. The cool and fresh one.

I'm gonna act like nothing happens. And I'm gonna make my mind forget about that hot latina.

But I can't do that if I'm gonna "help" her with her "problem".

Now that I think about it. _Why should I help her?_

I mean, she have never done something good for me. Nothing! And now I'm going to help her to get something that she wants, free? No way!

How stupid I was to accept this! I mean, I was blind!

I'm going to cancel her right now!

_"Listen, Shakira, I know it would have been fun to pretend to be your boyfriend. But now that I think about it, it's stupid. We're done, falsely. See ya, Miss Lopez"_

And send. I guess that's it.

I only hope I don't have to see her ever again. And then I could be again the same Sebastian.

Yeah, let's just go to class, relax and forget about Satan. _Let's just do that..._

Santana POV:

I woke up for the sound of my phone. A new message.

I'm not excited at all. I mean, I have puffy eyes and my hair is a mess.

I cried all the night. Such a baby.

I have 2 new messages.

One is from Sebastian (ugh!) and the other one is from... _Brittany..._

I read first the message of Brittany: _"Hey there, San! How are u? I haven't heard from u from a long time ago! I wanna see u! Meet me in "The Lima Bean" today at 4:00, okay? Okie! See u, San!"_

She even writes sweet things. I don't want to see her. I mean, I'm still hurt from what she did but, she is still my bestfriend. She have always been there for me when I need her the most. Now it's time to be a good friend. At least for one.

And now the message from the twink: _"Listen, Shakira, I know it would have been fun to pretend to be your boyfriend. But now that I think about it, it's stupid. We're done, falsely. See ya, Miss Lopez"_

What?! Did he just break up with me?! Falsely... **But still!**_  
_

How does he thinks he is? I like, accepted this! This was _his_ idea!

If he thinks he just can dump me like that and leaves me all alone, he is just wrong, soooo wrong!

I glanced at the time: 1:00 o'clock!

Like seriously?! How much did I sleep? Oh, it doesn't matter anyway.

I'm just gonna take a quick shower, change myself and go to see that twick.

And then, I'm going to see Brittany.

Yeah, everything is going to be alright. I hope... Oh, _screw it!_ I'm just thinking all of this too much.

I took a shower and I changed myself in a pair of tight and black jeans, high black heels and a red t-shirt with a V neck.

I'm ready to see that stupid dude who had the courage to dump me! Dump **ME**! No ones dumps me! No one! I dump them! Even if it's falsely!

I'm still sad about Cedes, she probably hates me now. I wouldn't blame her, I said very cruel things to her. But I didn't mean them! I mean, when I'm angry I said all kind of stupid things without thinking.

I want her back! She was like my rock when Brittany dumped me, she was always there for me. I couldn't see her, but she still sended me texts asking me if I was okay.

I wish I could fix things, but if I tried to do something, maybe I'm just going to make things worst. So heck no! I'm gonna wait a little while until I can go to talk with her. Yeah, let's do that.

I drove all the way to Dalton. I mean, it's not_ that_ far away, but it's still a long trip to get there.

When I get there, I started to walk and I tried to find that twink.

_Where the heck is he?_

The Auditorium!

I walked to the same place I went the first time I came here, the time when I sang "Smooth Criminal" with him, our first duet. Of course, I sang better.

When I enter in the auditorium, I was right, he was there. And a drumer, bassist and guitarrist.

- Hey there, twink! You are going to explain me some things! - I said walking towards him.

- Lopez? What are you doing here? _Again?_ I thought I was very clear in the text I sended you. What do you want?

- Ha! Now you are not going to be all nice and sweet? I knew it was just an act! Now, you jerk, told me you were going to help me and that's what you are going to do!

- Listen, Lopez, I don't care about it! I'm not going to help you with your little ex-girlfriend. Find another guy who can help you and just leave me alone! - He said starting to walk away.

- What?! **NO!** You are going to help me! - I said starting to follow him - _I need you!_ - I can't believe I just screamed that.

He stoped to walk and, slowly, he turned around.

- What? _Why do you need me, Lopez?_ You can find another jerk who can help you. Why you don't ask to one of your stupid friends?

- You don't understand! I need you because I told my grandma about you!

- What?

- Listen, twink. My grandma hated me when I told her about my sexuality and I wanted her back because I need her, so I told her about you, that you are my boyfriend. She was so happy that she forgave me and she wants to meet you. Something about the guy who stole the heart of her granddaughter and made her come to her senses.

He just stood there and then, he smirks. Ugh, how I hate that smirk!

- So? You are technically here to ask me out?

- Falsely! But... yeah...

- Fine. But with one condition!

- What? - I said harshly

- You have to meet my mother.

- What? Why should I do that?

- Because I have to meet your grandmother!

- Ugh, fine!

- Fine then, "girlfriend".

- I already told you to don't make your expectation high, this is just fake! - I said walking and standing just in front of him, inches apart from him

- Oh, really? - He said with a smirk

- Really! Guys, I'm gonna need you here! - I said to the 3 guys with the instruments.

- You wanna have another duel? I'm gonna beat you just like the last time, Satan.

- We'll see - I said and the music started to sound.

_Sebastian:_

_Now as the summer fades_  
_ I let you slip away_  
_ You say I'm not your type_  
_ But I can make you sway_

_ It makes you burn to learn_  
_ You're not the only one_  
_ I'd let you be if you_  
_ Put down your blazing gun_

He started to sing, walking around the room, with his magical voice. Hate to admit it, but he has a great voice.

Too bad I'm here.

_Santana:_

_Now you've gone somewhere else_  
_ Far away_  
_ I don't know if I will find you (Sebastian: find you, find you)_  
_ But you feel my breath_  
_ On your neck_  
_ Can't believe I'm right behind you (Sebastian: right behind you)_

We started to walk and face each other, sometimes slightly pushing and with our faces inches apart.

_Sebastian:_

_'Cause you keep me coming back for more (Santana: coming back for more)_  
_ And I feel a little better than I did before_

_Both:_

_And if I never see your face again_  
_ I don't mind_  
_ 'Cause we gone much further than I thought we'd get tonight_

And then I took his tie and make him see me right in my eyes. His eyes are beautiful, I love green eyes.

_Santana:_

_Sometimes you move so well_  
_ It's hard not to give in_

_Sebastian:_

_I'm lost, I can't tell_  
_ Where you end and I begin_

_Santana:_

_It makes you burn to learn I'm with another man_

_Sebastian:_

_I wonder if he's half_  
_ The lover that I am_

Our eyes locked for a moment and then we walked away, still facing each other.

_Sebastian:_

_Now you've gone somewhere else_  
_ Far away_  
_ I don't know if I will find you (Santana: find you, find you)_  
_ But you feel my breath_  
_ On your neck_  
_ Can't believe I'm right behind you (Santana: right behind you)_

_Sebastian:_

_'Cause you keep me coming back for more (Santana: coming back for more)_  
_ And I feel a little better than I did before_

_Both:_

_And if I never see your face again_  
_ I don't mind_  
_ 'Cause we gone much further than I thought we'd get tonight_

And then he walked near to me and he took my wrist and sang the next part.

_Sebastian:_

_Baby, baby_  
_ Please believe me_  
_ Find it in your heart to reach me_  
_ Promise not to leave me behind_

And then, it was my turn to sing. I put one hand in the back of his neck and sing.

_Santana:_

_Take me down, but take it easy_  
_ Make me think but don't deceive me_  
_ Torture me by taking your time (Sebastian: talk to me, talk to me)_

And then we walked away again, dancing around the room with our powerful voices in perfect sync.

_Santana:_

_'Cause you keep me coming back for more_  
_ And I feel a little better than I did before_

_Both:_

_And if I never see your face again_  
_ I don't mind_  
_ 'Cause we gone much further than I thought we'd get tonight_

_Sebastian:_

_'Cause you keep me coming back for more (Santana: coming back for more)_  
_ And I feel a little better than I did before (Santana: did before)_  
_ And if I never see your face again_

_Both:_

_I don't mind_  
_ 'Cause we gone much further than I thought we'd get tonight_

And with that we finished our song, both tired and gasping for air, but we just stood there, looking eachother, inches apart.

- Get out! - Sebastian said and the 3 guys left, leaving me with him alone.

We didn't say anything, we just keep our eyes locked.

And then he took my face with his hands, and he kissed me, hard.

And I, well, I just kissed him back.

What can I said? _He is hot!_

But for some rare reason, this feels a little too good for a simple kiss and I have the feeling that something is just wrong.

But right now, who cares?

I put my hand in the back of his neck and kissed him more.

_Yeah, he is definately hot._

* * *

**I did it, I finished! I had a blockade and I didn't know what to write, sorry. **

**But there it is! What do you think? Personally, I like it.**

**Also, the next week I'm going to a camp of my church. So, Monday to Friday I'm not going to have technology. Probably I'm just going to die.**

**Well, guys, hope you like it!**

**Reviews?  
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**Thanks to LadyElejahDarcy for your review :)  
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**Love you guys, hope to see you soon!  
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	6. Alone

Santana POV:

In the middle of the kiss with... with_ that!_ I came to my senses and I separated from him, abruptly.

- What do you think you are doing, twink? - I said angry, slapping him. And now, you may think what a big whore I am. First of all, I came here, I was looking for him. Second of all, when he was going to leave, I didn't let him do it. Third of all, I didn't punch him when he kissed me. And now I'm blaming him of all. But, what more could I do? I'm Santana _freaking_ Lopez, I'm the queen bee, the big whore.

- Hmm... kissing you? - He said like it was the most obvious thing in the world. Darn Smythe.

- Yeah! Why would you do that? Are you nuts?!

- Now is my fault? I didn't see you complaining!

- Yes, it's your fault! You kissed me!

- You kissed me back!

- Agh! This is just gross! I'm not going to stay here and waste my time with you!

- _What?!_ You came here, you told me that you need me!

- _But I didn't want to kiss you, okay?_ I'm lesbian and you are gay! What's wrong with you?

- Yeah, well, I don't know about that anymore... - He whisper but I could hear him

- What?! We kissed once and now you think you are straight? Listen, I'm happy for the power that I have. But you have to understand that I'm lesbian and nothing, _not even you_, can change that... - I noticed that when I said that, his eyes darkened and I could swear, that I saw pain in his eyes. And in other second, his pain was gone.

- If you think I'm interested in you, then you are wrong! You know what? _I don't even know why I kissed you!_ You are just a whore, and no one, _no one is never going to love you._ You are going to be alone all your life!Because you are afraid to face your feelings! And you know that, that kiss wasn't just a simple kiss. And I don't care if your grandmother hates you after this, but I don't want to hear from you **ever** again! - He said and he left. He left me there. And the most weirder thing is that when he left me, it hurts me, it hurts me a lot. When he called me "a whore" it hurts me more than when other people did it.

But I don't have time for this, I don't have time for feelings, stupid feelings. I have to see my Brittany, the sweet girl that have been my best friend since I can remembered.

So, I walked away. And I let that kiss behind me.

**- In "The Lima Bean" -**

I walked in the coffee shop and I saw my blonde. My sweet and little blonde. I smiled to myself and walked closer to her.

I approached her and hugged her from behind. I've missed her, I've missed my best friend.

She screamed a little and then she started to laugh and she turned around to face me.

She is still beautiful. She is still the sweet and cute blonde that I fall in love with

- San! I've missed you so much! - She said and she hugged me. Oh, Gawd, how much I have missed her hugs.

- Britt-Britt! I'm so happy to see you! - I said smiling and sitting next to her in a table.

- Me too! Lord Tubbington has missed you too! Why you haven't talk to me since our break up?

Her innocence just make me wanna laugh at something. But is still cute in her.

- Exactly for that, Britt. Our break up hurt me a lot.

- I'm sorry, San. I didn't want to hurt you, I just wasn't happy anymore. But I still want to be your friend! You are my best friend!

- I know that, you are my best friend too, Britt!

- And I asked you to come because I still want to be friends with you, San. I love you...

- I love you too, Britt-Britt - I said and I hugged her again. It's nice to have her in my arms just like before.

- Oh, San! I'm so glad to hear it! I want to tell you all about me and Artie! We are so happy together, San! Everything is just perfect! - I tried my best to put a fake smile in my face. I mean, who talk about her/his new relationship with your ex? Oh, yeah, Brittany... - And he is the most perfect boyfriend ever! He is so smart, and retailer, and he loves me! He always said how perfect I am, and how he loves me so much, and how...

- **_Brittany!_** - Okay, I couldn't resist.

- What? - She said with an innocent voice. She can't see how much it hurts me?

- I'm happy that your relationship is going on so well. But you have to remember that I'm your ex, and it hurts me a little bit when you talk about your new boyfriend.

- Oh, San, I'm sorry. It's just that I'm very happy with him. I love him with all my heart!

- Britt! Please, just stop!

- San, you are being very selfish, you know? More than usual.

- What? Are you serious?

- Yes! I'm happy, why can you be happy for me?

- I am! But, you are the one being selfish here! You know how much it hurts me?

- Oh, please, Santana, stop being such a selfish person!

- You know what? I'm done with this crap! Go and talk with your nerdy boyfriend! I'm out!

- Fine, I will! _He is so much better as a boyfriend than you were as a girlfriend!_ - Oh, no. She did not just say that!

I stand up abruptly and glared at her. After all I had done for her, she said that? She is dead for me now!

_Nanananananana_  
_ Nananananana_  
_ Nanananananana_  
_ Nananananana_

_I guess I just lost my husband_  
_ I don't know where he went_  
_ So I'm gonna drink my money_  
_ I'm not gonna pay his rent (Nope)_

And the revenge started.

_I got a brand new attitude_  
_ And I'm gonna wear it tonight_  
_ I wanna get in trouble_  
_ I wanna start a fight_

_ Nanananananana_  
_ I wanna start a fight_  
_ Nanananananana_  
_ I wanna start a fight_

I sang with my powerful voice, dancing around her and making every single person in the coffee shop, look at me.

_So so what_  
_ I'm still a rock star_  
_ I got my rock moves_  
_ And I don't need you_  
_ And guess what_  
_ I'm havin' more fun_  
_ And now that we're done_  
_ I'm gonna show you _

_ Tonight_  
_ I'm alright_  
_ I'm just fine_  
_ And you're a tool, so_  
_ So what_  
_ I am a rock star_  
_ I got my rock moves_  
_ And I don't want you tonight_

_(Uh, check my flow)_

I sang the chorus dancing around every boy and girl in the coffee shop. The boys looking at my body, girls angry at me for flirting with their boyfriends and a shocked Brittany.

_The waiter just took my table_  
_ And gave it to Jessica Simp (Sh*t)_  
_ I guess I'll go sit with tomboy_  
_ At least I'll know how to hit_

_(What if their songs on the radio_  
_ That somebody's gonna die)?_  
_ I'm gonna get in trouble_  
_ My ex'll start a fight_

I sang this part looking at Brittany and getting closer to her and her face. And then I walked away from her.

_Nanananananana_  
_ He's gonna start a fight_  
_ Nanananananana_  
_ We're all gonna get in a fight_

Brittany seem like she was just gonna faint right there. Good, I left her speechless.

_So so what_  
_ I'm still a rock star_  
_ I got my rock moves_  
_ And I don't need you_  
_ And guess what_  
_ I'm havin' more fun_  
_ And now that we're done_  
_ I'm gonna show you _

_ Tonight_  
_ I'm alright_  
_ I'm just fine_  
_ And you're a tool, so_  
_ So what_  
_ I am a rock star_  
_ I got my rock moves_  
_ And I don't want you tonight_

Some people in the coffee shop stand up and started to dance with me. This is just getting better and better.

_You weren't there_  
_ You never were_  
_ You weren't at all_  
_ But that's not fair_

_ I gave you life_  
_ I gave my all_  
_ You weren't there_  
_ You let me fall_

Brittany seem so shocked, so... disappointed. She was the one who broke my heart, now is time for me to show her how I don't need her anymore.

_So so what_  
_ I'm still a rock star_  
_ I got my rock moves_  
_ And I don't need you_  
_ And guess what_  
_ I'm havin' more fun_  
_ And now that we're done (We're done)_  
_ I'm gonna show you _

_ Tonight_  
_ I'm alright (I'm alright)_  
_ I'm just fine (I'm just fine)_  
_ And you're a tool, so (So)_  
_ So what_  
_ I am a rock star_  
_ I got my rock moves_  
_ And I don't want you tonight_  
_ (I don't want you tonight)_

I could break right there. All the memories just pop in my head. I could cry and run over Brittany and say: "I'm sorry", but the true is that I'm not sorry. I'm glad I'm doing this.

_No no, no no_  
_ I don't want you tonight_

_ You weren't there (I'm gonna show you)_  
_ I'm gonna show you_  
_ Tonight_  
_ I'm alright_  
_ I'm just fine_  
_ And you're a tool, so_  
_ So what_  
_ I am a rock star_  
_ I got my rock moves_  
_ And I don't want you tonight_

_ Badadadadada_

The song ended and everyone applauded me but her. She was hurt, I could tell that by the look in her eyes. And in a moment, I regret doing what I did. But... then again. I never think in what I do.

Brittany stands up and walked closer to me. And the words that let her mouth, broke my heart more than it actually was.

_"You are going to alone for a long time, Santana. You have to grow up"_

And she left me there, just like Sebastian did.

And I swear, that words make me weak. They thought, that I was going to be alone all my life?

Of course, I know I'm mean and a whore sometimes, but that's my wall, my armor. I only need someone who can break that armor, I only need love, true love. I need someone who can hug me when I'm down, someone who can actually understand me, someone who can stay with me when I scream. Someone who can say: "I love you" and mean it. I just need love.

Everybody need love. And I need love, because behind this armor. I'm only a weak girl with a broken heart.

Tears started to slide down my cheeks.

_"... You know, I think I know why you're so good at tearing everybody else down. It's because you're constantly tearing yourself down, because you can't admit to everybody that you're in love... That must hurt, not be able to admit to everyone how you really feel. You know what I think you are? A coward. See you at the mash off. "_

And suddenly Finn's words were in my head again.

_Coward, coward, coward, coward, coward..._

- I'm not a coward! - I screamed and everybody stared at me, with that looks, mean looks.

_"...but I'm afraid of the talks and the looks...Yea, I know, but I'm so afraid of what everyone will say behind my back... "_

My heart started to hurt and I ran away, fast as I could.

_Coward, coward, coward, coward, coward..._

I'm not a coward, I'm not a coward...

_Coward, coward, coward, coward, coward..._

I found a tree to sit under. And I started to shake.

_Coward, coward, coward, coward, coward..._

No, I'm not a coward...

I started to feel dizzy. my head was spinning.

_Coward, coward, coward, coward, coward..._

And then everything went black.

_"It's like you're screaming, and no one can hear..."  
_

* * *

**Finally! Hi there, sweethearts!**

**How you doing? I'm back!**

**I've missed you so freaking bad! Thanks to pattyholdbrok for your review! You made my day!**

**Well, there you have, people!**

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**Well, hope you like it.**

**See you soon!**


	7. Need?

Sebastian POV:

Who does she think she is? First she let me kiss her and then she acted like it was all my fault! Well, maybe I kissed her first, but she kissed me back! That-s has to mean something, right?

But she acted so, so... cruel. Well, she is a b*tch, but still. I can't believe she actually let me kiss her, kissed me back and then slapped and said that she was a 100 % lesbian, that's just crap.

Anyway, if she thinks she is going to get _any_ help now, she is just wrong.

But I made that very clear. It's not like I have to be all sad because she doesn't like me back... I mean, like me, because I do **not** like her _at all!_

And she can go with that stupid blonde, I don't care at all. I don't care one bit. I just don't care about her. I don't care about anyone else but me. _That's a fact._

The weird thing is that it seems that I'm trying to convince me for the matter.

I'm not weak and I don't her, I don't need anyone, I learn that the hard way.

Santana POV:

_"Is she going to be okay?"_

_" We think so, she only fainted. We think she hyperventilate, but she is going to be alright"_

_"Okay, thanks."_

_" No problem. You can stay here if you want, call us if you need anything at all"_

_"It's okay, thanks again"_

Crap, my head is spinning. Where am I? Why can't I open my eyes? I can hear voices but I can't see anything.

_"Oh, Santana, what happened with you?"_

Who the hell is that? That voice sounds familiar...

Hmm... hello? Am I still alive? Please tell me that I am still alive!

_"C'mon, Santana, you gotta wake up! Where is that strong girl that I know?"_

Hmm... still here! But I think I'm sleep and if I'm high? Then why can't I open my eyes?

_"Well, till you wake up I'm gonna be right here, next to you"_

Okay...? Who is this? God?

_"You know how I found you? I was walking and I saw a girl laying next to a tree and I knew something was wrong. Santana Lopez laying on the street? No way! So I walked over you and found you there, without moving. It freaked me out at first but I called 911 and now you are here, in the hospital"_

Okay, so is no God...

_"Want me to tell you something?"_

No...

_"I think that you are on trouble..."_

Oh, really? What a genius!

_"I don't believe that 'hyperventilate' crap, you fainted because something bad happened to you and I'm gonna know what it is. But first you gotta wake up!"_

Yeah, I don't really know how to do that...

_"Open your eyes, c'mon on!"_

Shut up! What do you think I'm trying to do?

Wait a minute... That stupid voice, the irritating behavior as hell... Blaine!

Hell, Blaine, I thought I was dead! And I can still hear you, dumbass.

_"I guess I'd just have to wait. Take your time, everything is going to be okay"_

How can Blaine be here? I mean, I'm okay with it. It's just that I have never been good with this guy and now he is here, beside, waiting for me to get better.

I guess he is one of that sweet and naive guys who are always there front you, even when you don't want them to be. But right now I'm pretty happy that he is here with me.

I think I can hear the tick-tock of the clock. Time is passing but I don't seem to care, I can't open my eyes and the only thing that I can think about is that little meerkat.

I swear I don't now why. And I swear that is starting to freak me out, but, I was the one who sent him to hell, so now I'm just gonna breath and hope that everything will be fine. I don't want another person to hate me.

But, why do I care about that jerk?

He is the one who kissed me. Who kiss a lesbian girl? If they are lesbian it's because they like _girls_ not boys!

But he seems to be one of those guys who doesn't care about anything, they just share for a little of fun.

_Just like you?_

Not the time to be racionable, Santana!

_You are being stupid! You are criticizing a guy that it's just like you!_

He is **not** just like me! We are very different!

_Oh yeah? I don't think so, and I'm you!_

Yeah, well you are the stupid part of me!

_It's called conscience..._

Yeah? Well, I still hate you...

_You can't hate yourself..._

Yes, you can.

_But you don't, so shut up and listen!_

You have all my attention now, delight me.

_Okay, so you were saying that you don't care about or have anything in common with...?_

Don't say his name!

_And why not?_

Because when you say things aloud, then that's mean that they are true...

_So, there's something you are hiding from me?_

You are talking like you don't already now what I mean...

_Well, if you don't want me to know then I don't know..._

Good. So, you were saying?

_Oh, yeah! So, "he" is very stubborn..._

Don't tell me about it...

_Just like you... You two always think you are right._

No!

_And you two **hate** to lost! So you'll do anything to win!_

Not true!

_You two 'think' you are gay..._

We don't 'think' we are gay. We know that we are gay.

_You two don't have a very good relationship with your family..._

And how do you know that?

_I just do, okay?_

Fine!

_Anyway, back to our business. You two are very selfish..._

I'm not!

_Girl please, you can't lie to me..._

Fine...

_Anyway, again, you two act like you are the best of the best..._

I'm the best of the best!

_See! That's what I'm talking about..._

Damn it, stupid reality!

_Want me to continue?_

No, that's enough, I think you explain your point very well.

_Fine, that's good and another thing..._

What?

_You should think more before you act. If you don't, maybe you are gonna end regretting it..._

I never regret anything at all!

_I think you have something to regret now..._

Blaine POV:

- No, I don't! - I heard someone scream, Santana.

- Santana? - I said taking her in my arms

- No! Get off me! - She screamed and started squirming

- Santana, it's just me, Blaine, calm down... - I said in a soft voice

- Oh f*ck... God, Blaine, you scared the hell out of me! - She said breathing heavily

- Ha, calm down, Santana. What's the matter? - I said sitting beside her bed

- What do you mean?

- You know exactly what I mean...

- No I don't!

- You can tell me...

- Seriously, Blaine, it's not the big deal.

- I think it is.

- It's a long story.

- I have enough time.

- I... I can't tell you...

- C'mon, Santana. I bring you here and you scared me a lot. I think the least that you can do is talk to me.

- You're... You're right, I'll tell you.

- Okay. I'm listening.

- It's just that... I have a lot of problems, you know? Problems with my family, problems with my future, problems with my relationships, problems with myself! And when I think that everything is right, something come out and turns everything upside down. And when I think I do the right thing to do, it seems that I don't. And then I feel hopeless and alone. I have never been good to express my feelings, I'm a coward... - She said looking at her hands

- No you are not... Being afraid of express yourself doesn't mean that you are a coward, it means that you are a human. What's bother you so much?

- I think the right question will be: "who's bother you so much?"

- So is a "who"?

- Oh yeah, it's definitely a who...

- Who it is?

- I can't tell you...

- Why not?

- Because when you say things aloud it means that they are true...

- Well, when you're ready you can tell me.

- Thanks...

- But you gotta now, I'm here for everything you need me to, okay?

- Okay... but, can I ask you a question?

- Sure...

- Why are being so nice to me?

- What do you mean? - I said confused.

- I have never been nice to you, I mean, I'm always a b*tch to everybody, but now you are being nice to me, why? Shouldn't you be mean to me too?

- I'm not gonna be mean to you because I don't hate you or anything, and I know that you are not bad, I think you are just trying to protect yourself.

- From what?

- From the world. - I said and she stayed in silence. - Now I'm gonna let you rest, okay? Call me if you need anything - I said standing up and walking away.

- Blaine?

- Yes? - I said turning to look at her.

- Thank you - She said with a tiny smile

- No problem, I love you! - I said and I went out of the room.

Santana:

I sat there in the bed, thinking.

Maybe I'm not the best person in the world, the nicest, the kindest, the sweetest, the funniest, the smartest... well, I'm not a lot of thing, but I'm smart enough to know who is my friend and who is not.

And apart the fact that I'm a whore sometimes with everybody, I think that just a few people get to really understand me and try to be my friend, part of me.

And I think Blaine is one of those person, apart from the fact that the warbler is good to everybody and everybody loves him, I think he is nice, I think I can trust in him.

And about Seb- "him", well, I don't know.

Part of me want to stay away from him, and part of me want to get closer to him, does that make any sense?

But, anyway, I'm not the kind of a girl that follows "the guy". And the most weird part is that when I finally came out of the closet, this dude come along and ruin everything!

But whatever I'm feeling right now, about this and him, it's not gonna change anything.

I'm still the same girl that I was yesterday and two weeks ago.

He is not gonna change anything...

_right?_

* * *

**OMG! Guys, I finally did it!**

**I know you probably hate me! I didn't have time at all!**

**And I know that you are all angry with me, because apart from a writer, I'm also a reader and I hate when the writer takes an eternity to update!**

**And I have become one of those writers xd**

**I'm sooooooo sorry, really!**

**I promise that I'm gonna try to update as soon as I can!**

**And thanks to ****pattyholdbrok who always review, girl, people like you make me happy and make me wanna keep writing! :) Thanks!**

**And to a certain guest, thanks also, and answering your question whore is like say b*tch, but I'm not swearing when I say whore and I don't swear, so that's why I prefer to say just whore.**

**Love you, guys!**


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